Monday, June 11, 2012

That's weird... Most people are happy when there's dessert.

Gah!  Poor Priscilla at Thrifty Crafty Girl tried to do us all a favor and share a her quick, easy and delicious recipe for what she calls Cherry Crobbler with us...  
(Yes, Crobbler.)

Someone did not appreciate Priscilla's generosity and took in upon herself to criticize this fabulous 3 ingredient dessert and to do a bit of name calling...

The Mean Commenter said:
"every pat of butter is 100 calories. i counted 18. so, that's 1800 calories in butter. the whole package of cake mix is 1000 calories. there are 680 calories in a whole can of cherry pie filling. so, technically, the entire pie is 3480. divided by 6 pieces is 580 calories a slice. that's if you really stick to eating just one slice. add in a scoop of vanilla ice cream tacks on another 150 to 200 calories.
oh yeah. you're a real thrifty, crafty, hefty girl.
better to have used real cherries, just a pat of butter and a few teaspoons of sugar and topped it off with a crumble made from old fashioned oats and cinnamon.
moving on. outta here. yuck." 

Our Slammed Blogger Says:
Huh.  OK, is it my turn to talk now? Oh, it is? Super.  'Cause I have a couple things to say...
Let's start by saying that I never claimed this was healthy.  Here's a piece of news for you: a lot of desserts aren't healthy.  I know, it came as a total shock to me, too.  I'll let that heartbreak set in while I address my next point.
Did you just call me fat?  I believe you said "Hefty".  Oh, it's on now.  If you assume that just because I consume mass quantities of fat, sugar and salt I'm hefty, well then you've underestimated this Thrifty Crafty Girl.  I'm also assuming you think I sat down with the entire dish in my lap, consuming this dessert in its entirety without a spoon 'cause it gets in the way of my binging.  Well, I wanted to... but I was forced to share.
And I'll finish by saying this: I DON'T RECALL STUFFING A GUN TO YOUR RIBS AND FORCING YOU TO MAKE THIS RECIPE.  If I did that, I'd be crazy, now wouldn't I?  And if I were crazy, I'd leave ridiculous comments on blogs under the name 'Anonymous'.  And I just don't do that.  A better idea would be to have tried the version you suggested and put THAT in the comments... I'm all for having healthier versions of my recipes.  Not for me, since us hefty girls have to keep up the calorie consumption, but other people might like it.
And you're moving on outta here? Shame... I was looking forward to more crabby anonymous comments from you.

Viv Says:
Wow.  Priscilla seems to have it under control.  I think this time around I'll just offer up a wee bit of visual advice:
She can count calories and call names, but apparently isn't familiar with the workings of a keyboard.  Nice.

What do you say?

Monday, June 4, 2012

When Idiots weigh in on Anniversaries. (It's never pretty.)

Good grief, Charlie Brown!  Chalk this one up to people who are bitter and can't understand what playful banter is...  Lauren at Filing Jointly... Finally (isn't that a cute name!?)  is a newlywed and wrote an obviously tongue in cheek post about how her husband didn't share her enthusiasm about their 11 month anniversary. 
She wanted to celebrate on 11/11/11 at 11:11.  Him?  Not so much.  Anyone who has even half a brain cell should be able to tell that she is totally kidding around, and should also be able to tell that her blog is chock-full of funnies.
It appears there are several anonymous readers who do not, in fact, have a whole brain cell between them.
Here are three:
#1 "Wow stumbled upon this by accident! I feel sorry for this Ryan dude sound extremely spoiled and bitchy and who the hell celebrates each month how long they have been married! I barely have time to think of one anniversary a year because Yes this is what the word anniversary means! Who lets spoiled immature people like you get married? Bad mouthing your husband so openly like this after only 11 months of marriage is pathetic! You will be divorced before you can celebrate 11 years!"

#2 "My friend who stumbled on this by accident sent me the link for a laugh. Lol, indeed. Give the guy a break. I mean, he's already facing a yearly reminder that he married an imbecile, does he really need one every month? I can't say I blame him for not wanting to wish with you--I don't think there's any nice way to say, "I wish my wife would stop being a moron." Good luck with that."

#3 "Oh SHUT UP! Today is my 3-year anniversary. As in, the actual anniversary of the date we got married three years ago. Though actually today marks the date TEN years ago that we first got together. I got my husband a nice watch, a bottle of Crown Royal Reserve, and a sweet card talking about how much I loved him. And what did I get? A big fat nothing. Not even a "Happy Anniversary." So excuse me if I don't have any patience to listen to you talk about not getting what you want for your 11-month anniversary. And by the way, count your lucky stars that you're able to use his credit card to buy new boots. That shit would absolutely not fly around here. And seeing as he didn't call you any four-letter names or hurl something at your head while this interaction was going on, you guys's conversation was NOT ALL THAT BAD. It was pretty normal, in fact. If anything you come off looking like a spoiled little brat for wanting to get your way about a made-up holiday, and then demanding to use his credit card. YOU HAVE A NORMAL HUSBAND. Enjoy that fact, and stop bitching. I guarantee you a lot more people have it WAY worse than you. Enjoy what you have. Your griping about this is making you look really petty and unattractive." 

Our Slammed Blogger Says:
I chose not to respond on my blog, though a lot of my sweet Blogstalkers (what I call my readers) did respond for me.  But if I did decide to justify the comments with a reply, this is what I would say.  This is a humor blog.  It is supposed to be ridiculous.  And I can not stress enough the fact that this post was just a JOKE.  Maybe not a very good one, but a joke nevertheless.  I didn't try seriously to make my husband celebrate 11 months nor did I actually use his credit card (which is actually a joint account) to purchase myself a gift.  That would be ridiculous.  My husband and I love each other very much and he supports my blog wholeheartedly.  He understands my inane sense of humor, which you all obviously do not.  And that is just fine, truly.  What is not fine, and I think most people would agree, is calling someone you do not know spoiled and bitchy and pathetic. You label me immature and ask who let me get married.  My answer is this, I made the decision myself thank you very much, as I am an adult.  You, in my opinion, are the ones that are being immature, calling someone you again, do not even know, an imbecile and a moron.  For what is the purpose of this?  It is hurtful and downright mean.  Oh and as far as your prediction that my husband and I will not be together after 11 years?  We actually hit ten years together in January and we're still going strong.  And you know what?  We celebrated our ten year dating anniversary even though we're married now and should start over.  Because to us, it was a milestone and we both wanted to commemorate the occasion in some small way.  For your sake(s) I hope that you were just having a bad day when you commented.  For it would be trying, I think, to go through life in such a resentful and it seems (though I wouldn't know as I do not know you) bitter way.  Oh, and if my husband called made a habit of calling me names and hurling things at my head?  He wouldn't be my husband any longer.  Just saying. 

Viv Says:
This is truly stupid.  Let's examine their comments, shall we?

#1 - "...who the hell celebrates each month how long they have been married!"
Um, people who love each other and view each day as a gift..?  People who look to celebrate the little moments in life...?
"...I barely have time to think of one anniversary a year..." 
Gee.  Your spouse must feel so fortunate and special!

#2 - "I mean, he's already facing a yearly reminder that he married an imbecile, does he really need one every month?"
You're just a Jack-Ass.

Moving on... 

#3 - "And what did I get? A big fat nothing. Not even a "Happy Anniversary."  "YOU HAVE A NORMAL HUSBAND." "I guarantee you a lot more people have it WAY worse than you."
Oh honey, I think there is a better than average chance that you are married to Anonymous Commenter #1.  If your spouse is a Normal Husband, I am glad that mine is abnormal.

It's obvious that Lauren's blog is just good, snarky fun.  It's also obvious that her husband has every bit as much snark as she does and they play off of each other and with each other.  Couples who can both dish it up AND take it are more likely to remain happily married.  These commenters may be anonymous, but I think we all got some great insights into the states of their marriages, didn't we?

What do you say?

Wednesday, May 23, 2012

A clear case of NON-marriage material...

OK, football season is over, but I had to share the REEEEE-dick-ulous comment that the lovely Kate from Kate Elizabeth Conner received for a silly post where she ranked NFL Quarterbacks based on marital qualifications and eligibility.  

The lovely Kate and her #1 pick.

It was just for fun.  
It was tongue in cheek.  
It was in jest.
It was discovered by a complete Jack-hole.

The Jack-hole says: 
Yeah, Minneapolis sucks! (Looks around, see's there aren't too many snobby b****** like the author of this article, considers self fortunate to live in the area.)  Holy s***, this dumb broad thinks Matt Hasselbeck is hot. Like, 5 out of 5 hot. He gets the same marry-able score (32.5) as Josh Freeman and…wait for it…CAM F****** NEWTON.  She also finds REX GROSSMAN more marryable than Tom Brady.  Dumb b****** like this are why you make 75 cents on the dollar, women of America. This s*** right here.  Oh wait, she’s an evangelical Christian. Color me surprised.

Kate's husband is a youth pastor, so she couldn't leave the comment up on her blog.  (She added the asterisks for the ridiculously bad language for our benefit.)  However, here is what she wanted to say.

Our slammed blogger says:
FIRST of all.  I don't see how my not preferring to live in Minneapolis over San Diego (real mystery of life right there) makes me a snobby b****.  Secondly, NOWHERE in my entire post (on my entire blog for that matter) did I call anyone as disrespectful of a name as you just called me - so yeah, I'm the one with the personality flaw.  And yes; Matt Hasslebeck is hot, I have nothing against Josh Freeman, Cam Newton has a smile that goes on for miles, and Tom Brady cheated on his wife and had an illegitimate child.  How stupid of me not to want that quality in a life partner.  It's no wonder I make 75 cents on the dollar.  OH WAIT!  I stay at home learning braille and caring for my blind child and volunteering to work with at-risk teenagers in our area.  What a snob I am.  And finally, it is ignorant, small-minded, prejudicial, and so ugly of you to imply that I am a snob, b****, or a dumb broad because I am a Christian.  As far as I can tell it makes me kinder than you.

Viv says:
Un-B-leeeeeve-able!  I almost have no words for this idiot.  (Almost.)   
Jack-hole must not be a Real Man.  Real men do not provide serious input on what is clearly a post written just for fun.  Real men do not weigh on whether or not other men have desirable attributes as husbands.  Real men don't slam someone's faith and belittle them.  But mostly?  Real men do not refer to women as dumb broads or dumb Be-yotches. 

Jack-hole?  My mental picture of you includes an over-sized team jersey (worn almost to your knees) which hides the skinny jeans you've got belted below your butt.  (Hopefully it hides the stupid tattoo you got at Coachella as well.)  You are holding a can of Coors Light, giving your buddies knuckle bumps or high-fives, you have stains from Buffalo Wings and pizza under your fingernails and you almost certainly have on a ball cap worn backwards.  

I am fairly certain you have no need for this book:

Enjoy your life as a mediocre stereotype.  
You wear it well.  Asshat.

What do you say?

Thursday, May 10, 2012

Speedos: All kinds of wrong. (And not just in America.)

Shawn over at Seriously Shawn has quite the sense of humor.  She is a practical joker and seems to be a magnet for funny/slightly uncomfortable situations.  She also seems to have drawn the ire of someone who prefers Speedos to regular swim trunks....
She helps to host Talk To Us Tuesday, a linky party for funny or random stories.

Seriously Shawn
In this post where she describes a practical joke involving her husband and a Speedo that was too small she got this comment:

credit: Seriously Shawn
Mean Comment:
More evidence why Americans are viewed by the rest of the world as being ignorant and stupid.

What Shawn Says:
Ignorant and stupid you say! Let me ask you, do you mean Americans as a whole or just little ol' me, the author of this post? Your choice of words are a little harsh don't you think? 
I would love to thank you personally for your less than kind words but it seems that you like to hide behind the screen of anonymity. You also have no email linked to your profile, I'm thinking it's because you like to stir the pot but aren't man enough to handle what comes your way in return. As a result you have left me no choice but to reply here, oh and next Tuesday on the front page of my blog because this is a perfect TTUT post!  
If you wanted to play nice I would simply say I'm sorry I offended you but it seems that you don't want to do that. So I'll leave it at this, you my dear, have no sense of humor! Maybe it's because you have the personality of a dry piece of toast or that you lack the ability to fill out your own beloved Speedo, making this no laughing matter in your eyes, either way I really don't care.  Clearly, or maybe not so clearly for some, this was meant as a joke. My advice to you is to lighten up or buy your next Speedo in the next size up!

Viv Says:
See, now I just thought a Speedo was a poor fashion choice.  I had no idea that swim suit preferences were evidence that could further the condemnation of America.   
When American men try to compensate for a substandard wee-wee they usually do it in some symbolic way, like buying a flashy car... Perhaps Shawn's commenter is more of a literal guy, and believes you should put on a tight pair of swim bottoms to try to make the object in question appear larger. Or, perhaps his Speedo is too tight and it has cut off the blood flow to his brain...

What do you say?  

Monday, February 13, 2012

Everyone should be a Whiner. Oops. I mean Winner.

Someone sent our friend Lesley at Fabulously Flawed a lame email.  And by lame, we mean completely clueless, off in their own Narcissistic La-La World of Entitlement kind of lame.

In her own words, here's What Lesley Says:
My name is Lesley and I host a very small linky party every Thursday called Super Sweet Thursday Par-tay. By small I mean teeny compared to some of the linky parties out there that receive hundreds of entries.  I get a maximum of 40ish link ups every week. 

The reason that I mention this is to express that I certainly do not think I am a big deal. I also know very well that if anyone links up their project to this party, and if I happen to choose to feature said project, there are only a couple of dozen people who would even notice.

Which brings me to my email. Notice the subject line. Lovely.  This blogger, who did not send the email anonymously, goes on to tell me that she is upset with me for not choosing her to win a prize on my blog. The prize being a feature ( I assume ).

Lesley didn't respond to this wacky email... but here's what she Wanted To Say:
Hello darling!
I am so thrilled that you chose to take time away from your day, and also take time away from your meds, to write such a sincere and uplifting email.
It was such a pleasure to read! Or was it? Who can tell what I mean? I do exude timeless sarcasm, after all.

I could sit here and wonder what prize you are referring to. I could pace the room fretting over what mind bogglingly amazing craft it was that you submitted that I overlooked. 

But, I won't. I think you're freaking out enough for both of us.

I will say though, for future reference, that a linky party is not a contest. It awards no prizes. You cannot win a linky party.

There are no entries, or enteries, as you call them. It is just a place where like minded people can share projects that they have worked on be them crafts, recipes or anything else.   In submitting such a link, you may catch the host's eye and have your project featured. Or, you may not.

What to the ever! It's all in fun and no one seems to take it very seriously.   Please chill out.

Signed, The Nicest Person Ever

What Viv Says:
Oh my!  I have never received a prize for entering a linky party either!  This is madness! Madness, I tell you!    

If she has "entered" Lesley's linky party "again and again" why hasn't she picked up on how this all works?  Lesley, tell me... do her projects tend to use an inordinate amount of glue?  As perhaps she has been sniffing it.

This sounds like the type of person who thinks that there shouldn't ever be winners or losers... no one should ever have their feelings hurt, so everyone should get a trophy. Congratulations!  You all get an Honorable Mediocrity Mention!

Lame.  (I will say that I totally agree with our Over-Entitled Email-er in that yes, Lesley does have "wit and timeless sarcasm" ...part of why I double puffy heart love her.)

What Do You Say?

Friday, February 10, 2012

Peace Out Dudes

Hello Hate Mailers!  Mandilicious here.  Gosh it's been a while since we posted!  Did you miss us?!?
I just wanted to write a quick little post and let my friends (all of you!!) know that I have decided to step away from Hate Mail.  The freakishly cool Viv will still be here taking care of everything (like she normally does) with her quick wit, amazing titles, and hilarious comparisons.  So don’t you worry your pretty little noses about that! 

Hate Mail was started one afternoon after one of my fave bloggers announced on Twitter that she was going to quit because the haters were out in full force.  It made me MAD.  Why in the world was it ok for people to openly bash her ideas, choices and family?!   So Hate Mail was born.  I could not have found a better partner to team up with to write it.  Viv is one of the most fun, amazing and TALENTED women I have ever had the chance to meet.
And I want to thank you guys for supporting us.

So I bet you are wondering why,  right?  I mean lets face it, it's not like this is a daily post kind of blog….or monthly post for that matter… 
Honestly I am just not up for it anymore.  I have learned a lot the last few months and it made me realize that people really read what I write.  (I know it's lame that I am JUST coming to this conclusion).  You might remember this post about a comment that someone left on Vintage Revivals.  A few months after the post went live I got an email from the girl who had left it.  She explained that she had seen the post over here and that she had been having an awful day and was sorry.  I cringe to think of the mean things that I wrote (and meaner things that Viv edited out)  you see, cause I too was having a really hard time with someone and I projected my anger onto this anonymous girl.

So.  The moral of the story I have learned from one of my favorite people in the world is that You will never regret behaving appropriately.  That has been the mantra that I have had to take time and time again as my blog has experienced huge growing pains.  When in all reality it would have been so much easier and fun to lash out at people that are jerks. 

Hate Mail is a fun, positive place to come and defend your fellow bloggers and I hope that you will continue to do that!  Building a community of support is SO important and I love you all for being in mine!  Thanks again!

Love your guts,

Hi all! Viv here.  I am going to miss Mandi's contributions.  Her quick wit and playful nature have helped to make this site a fun place to be and working with her has been a blast.  (Should I tell you that in my imagination we are wearing capes and are karate-chopping mean comments when we write this stuff...? No?  Oops.)  I love her colorful phrasing (and her colorful, brilliant design projects!) and wish she would hang around a bit more.   She cracks me up and inspires me to try to think outside the box creatively. I am in awe of her talent and creative vision.
I guess I will just have to make more frequent trips over to visit her at Vintage Revivals.

My Favorite Hate Mail will go on, pretty much as it has been.  This is still a safe, positive place to make light of mean comments and to get support from your fellow bloggers.  

I continue to believe that if there is something stinky in a room it is better to air out the place than to close the door on the smell.  (And that's what mean comments are... a stinky room.) Hope to see you all back here real soon!
Love, Viv

Wednesday, November 16, 2011

Let there be light! (As long as the electrician is a woman...)

OK, so check out this amazing Anthropologie-inspired glass ornament chandelier.
Breann and Hillary are co-writing this brand new (and really fabulous) blog called Things We Fancy.
You know what they don't fancy...? That their 2-week old blog that already has a Hater. Seriously? Oy.

Anonymous was unclear about where, exactly, the light source came from in this post....
Yep, the other commenters are right -- this says nothing about where the light actually comes from! To me, it looks like there is one light bulb connected to a simple light fixture, which is wired up to the "light wire" (the electrical wire that sticks out of your ceiling when you remove your old light fixture). I understand she is clueless about "man things"... but COME ON! There is all sorts of information on the internet about how to do it. Don't be helpless. And at least tell your poor readers where the light is coming from! (e.g., it's not coming from Christmas lights inside of each ornament.)

As a woman and a crafter, I resent this stereotypical helplessness!

Our Slammed Bloggers Say:
Oh, Hey ANONYMOUS! Nice of you to stop by with your cynicism. We're actually pretty impressed that our blog has been live for less than 2 weeks and we already got a rude anonymous comment! Looks like we're doing something right!

You're right, we should have been a little more clear as to the light fixture in the chandelier. However, if you weren't such a jerk, you'd see in the above comments we explained where the light was coming from to our "poor readers." They were also followed up via e-mail.... that CLEARLY makes them super unfortunate.

Yes, we could have EASILY looked up some YouTube video on how to install a light wire, but what's the point if you already have someone there who knows how to do it?! If your husband was a mechanic and you had a blown transmission, would you go take classes on how to fix it yourself? No, because that's freaking dumb. You're right though, asking a husband to install a wire because he knows how and I don't want to electrocute myself makes me totally helpless.

As women and crafters, we resent your stereotypical anonymous comment!

Viv Says:
Perhaps Anonymous needs more than one light bulb to read by...? Because it was clear to me in the text of the post that there is one wire/one light bulb illuminating the chandy. (And let's say i didn't read it 2 gud: there's a pitchur of a single bulb in the middle a'that cluster o' or-nam-nets...) Perhaps negativity impairs your vision?

Additionally, it seemed pretty obvious that the line about "asking a man for help" was pretty tongue in cheek. These gals seem far from helpless. Poking around their newly formed blog, I can tell that I will be a frequent visitor due to their innovation, inspiration and utter lack of Helpless Female Syndrome.

Anonymous? As a woman and a crafter, I resent that you let your snarky, holier than thou, Gloria Steinem-ish nature take over and tried to tear down other women, rather than support them. So much for us girls trying to stick together. Boo to you.

Mandi Says:
What. The Crap.  You know what I think this is?  I think this is a case of "Someone got to a project before I could"-itis. Which is the technical term when seeing a really great knockoff project that you had on your 15 mile long to do list, and being jerkish and lashing out that someone made it before you did.  This projects is super cool and CLEARLY you can tell that there is just one light bulb in it...let me refresh your memory:

Yup pretty sure they aren't all filled with Christmas lights...

What do You say?