No-Baby Backlash

The lovely Jennifer, who writes Sunshine and Chaucer knows herself pretty well.  She's a young newlywed, and at this stage of her life... she and her husband have basically decided that they don't want to be parents.   No biggie, right?  She likes children... works with children... loves her nieces...  just has decided that she isn't cut out to be a mom.  


She's able to be honest with herself, which is pretty smart, and she was honest on a blog, which was pretty brave.


Jennifer read this post on Stitched In Color.  Readers were asked to leave a comment telling  what bothers them.  Jennifer was comment 170 of more than 400. In a nutshell, she said it bothered her when people try to talk her into having children and that they think she is somehow defective for not wanting kids.


Several days later, Jennifer wrote this post featuring great projects she had seen around the blogosphere.  It included a beautiful, functional play-room.  Clearly, she had offended someone with her comment on another blog, so they came to her blog to spread the hate.


The Hater Said:
As if someone so against having children would have one iota of a clue where children want to play.  Selfish twit.


The Slammed Blogger Says:

1. I'm not against everyone having children, just don't want any right now.  I'm 22.  I just got married.  I'm super poor.  Also, kids are great and all but I can't be around the for more than a day at a time or I start going crazy.
2. That has nothing to do with knowing what fun stuff for kids is and isn't.  I was a kid.  I have nieces.  I am two classes away from a degree in early childhood development.  I nanny.  I know what cool crap is.
3. Iota?  Using a word typically used by people trying to sound smart doesn't make your comment more classy.
4.  I've never got the whole "not wanting kids = selfish" thing.  Why is it better to have kids when you don't want them?  Why is it better to bring kids into a world where you can't provide for them?  Why is it better to make yourself unhappy so you can create a life that won't be sad if it never exists because it won't know the difference?  I don't get it.

I could say meaner things, about how pathetic I think you are because you went through all that trouble to leave a rude comment, because clearly my not wanting to have children deeply affects you personally.  But I prefer to keep the four letters words off the blog, because I don't think it's classy to cuss in a public forum in front of people you don't know, and also because 


I'm just so thrilled that my blog is worth a rude anonymous comment (and that I have something to submit to My Favorite Hate Mail) that I can't get myself to be hurt or offended.  I could not, however, resist commemorating it with it's own response.  I'd have emailed it privately, but losers don't leave emails when they have something rude to say.

Sincerely,
The extremely happily childfree Jennifer. 


Viv Says:


Jennifer, you are my hero.  It takes great strength of character to do what is right for you, even if it flies in the face of society's conventions.  (You know, that ALL women want to be mothers... etc.)  
There are definitely people out there who should not be allowed to have a pet rock, let alone have children.  It's sad that the commenter has more respect for crappy parents who should NEVER have had children, than she does for a woman who recognizes her strengths and her limitations bases her important decisions accordingly.
(I'm still shaking my head at this.  Seriously!  Unbelievable!)


Mandi Says:


Can someone say STALKER? The amount of time that peope have on their hands and the way they waste it never ceases to amaze me.  Miss Jennifer has all the right in the world to decide if she does or does not want children.  Cause once you got 'em there is no getting rid of 'em.  Its like people choosing to not have a dog.  Or a husband.  Speaking of which, does anyone want mine?  Dog that is, I like my husband.


What Do You Say?

Blandy BiPolarinski's Decor Tips

One of the most talented and sweet bloggers around is Myra from the Casabella Project.  She recently got a sucky comment on  a post about some interesting thrift finds that she took home and spray painted white. 

The Hater Said: 

so, not to be a hater, but i am not too impressed. who needs another cool looking thing for the bookshelf. and im sure they look better in person, but these pictures make them kinda shiny and overly white. idk, if i bought and repurposed every odd thing i saw at goodwill i might think that this craft was interesting, but to me, it seems just a little to pointless to compliment

The Slammed Blogger Says:

My thoughts:  If you didn't want to be a hater, then why did you choose to keep criticizing and being mean?  You made it very obvious that you didn't care about being a hater or not.  Didn't your momma teach you that if you can't say something nice, then it's best to not say anything?  If you find my blog content uninteresting and pointless then you are more than welcome to go somewhere else.  For now your mean comment just gets to hang out at My Favorite Hate Mail where mean comments go to die. The end.

Viv Says:

I've learned amazing things and been completely inspired visiting the Casabella Project!  This commenter is a total nut job.  I wonder if she is off her meds this week.

"who needs another cool looking thing for the bookshelf" ...? 

Um... I do, thank you very much. 

"if i bought and repurposed every odd thing i saw at goodwill i might think that this craft was interesting" ...

This tells me that you have no imagination and probably have trouble seeing the potential in anything.  In other words? You're probably pretty boring and not very fun at parties.

"it seems just a little to pointless to compliment"

Um. Yeah.  It's much more productive to nit-pick and criticize.  This is the verbal equivalent of the whole "it takes 500 million facial muscles to frown but only 6 to smile...." (or something like that.)    Lame.

Mandi Says:

It could just be me but I have found that my FAVE decorations at my house were random crappiness that, you guessed it, got a coat of white paint.  If this commenter really seriously has an issue with this then she should run away from DIY blogland and NEVER come back.  Cause that is something that you are going to find on EVERYONES blog.  Maybe she should try cooking blogs, I hear they dont use spray paint over there...

And really, you are seriously going to start a comment out with "Not to be a hater"?  That is the lamest lame crap I have ever heard.  Its like saying "Not that your wife is ugly, but...she has the face of a gargoyle."  Or "Not that you son has bad manners, but....he just crapped on my shoe." 

What do you say?

Dear Dictionary, Suck It.

Our girl Lindsay @ Living With Lindsay got a ridiculously helpful comment on a post that's over a year old   It was from someone with a throw away email address from Mailinator.com. so... anonymous. She totally loves it when people take their precious time to point out spelling and grammatical errors on her site, in this case, the difference between plead and pleat.  And no, she’s not going to correct the error because it's not as big of a deal to her as it apparently is to others, and to quote Miss Lindsay ”eYe LyKe tOo MiSsPeL WuRdS.”

The Hater Says:

plead
(plēd) pronunciation

v., plead·ed, or pled (plĕd), plead·ing, pleads.

v.intr.

   To appeal earnestly; beg: plead for more time.
   To offer reasons for or against something; argue earnestly: plead against a bill.
   To provide an argument or appeal: Your youth pleads for you in this instance.
   Law.
       To put forward a plea of a specific nature in court: plead guilty.
       To make or answer an allegation in a legal proceeding.
       To address a court as a lawyer or advocate.
Read more: http://www.answers.com/topic/plead#ixzz1Mqok5r6p
______________________________________________________________________

pleat

(plēt) pronunciation
n.
A fold in cloth made by doubling the material upon itself and then pressing or stitching it into place.

tr.v., pleat·ed, pleat·ing, pleats.
To press or arrange in pleats: pleat a skirt; pleat curtains.

[Middle English plet, variant of plait, pleat, fold. See plait.]
pleater pleat'er n.

Read more: http://www.answers.com/topic/pleat#ixzz1Mqp1NLq0
 
The Slammed Blogger Says:

Passive Aggressive Personality

(′pas·iv ə′gres·iv ′pərs·ən′al·əd·ē)
(psychology) A personality disorder characterized by the passive expression of hostility and aggressiveness, as by stubbornness, pouting, or inefficiency.
Read more: http://www.answers.com/topic/passive-aggressive-personality#ixzz1MqxgY9X7

Mandi Says:
Since we are doing definitons…

Freaking Lame:

People who take 10 minutes out of their lives to tell you that you misspelled  a word.  GET OFF YOUR COMPUTER AND TAKE CARE OF YOUR KIDS!  Seriously. Plus why would you need to be basically anonymous to do that? Its not like you’re saying “Lindsay you're fat and ugly and your husband looks like a girl” Which would warrant an anonymous name.  Definitions?  Seriously don’t be a pansy.
ps. the post is over a year old… NO ONE CARES.

Viv Says:
OK, I will readily admit that I am persnickety about grammar and spelling.  I am an English dork and I have friends and family who send me their written materials so that I might give a quick editorial check before they turn in their essay or fire off an email.   I read the original post and it is possible that I developed a small facial tic every time I came to the word plead instead of pleat.

Here's the thing though... I knew what the blogger meant.

In a situation like this, why post a snarky, rather spiteful comment?  If the Hater really wanted to correct that spelling error, the way to do it is a direct email to Lindsey.  If someone had spinach in their teeth, the proper thing to do is discreetly pull them aside and let them know... Not grab a megaphone and shout it across the room at a dinner party.

It just goes to show that while the Hater might know the difference between plead and pleat, they don't know the difference between honey and vinegar, and which one is the best for catching flies.


What do you say?