Wednesday, May 23, 2012

A clear case of NON-marriage material...

OK, football season is over, but I had to share the REEEEE-dick-ulous comment that the lovely Kate from Kate Elizabeth Conner received for a silly post where she ranked NFL Quarterbacks based on marital qualifications and eligibility.  

The lovely Kate and her #1 pick.

It was just for fun.  
It was tongue in cheek.  
It was in jest.
It was discovered by a complete Jack-hole.

The Jack-hole says: 
Yeah, Minneapolis sucks! (Looks around, see's there aren't too many snobby b****** like the author of this article, considers self fortunate to live in the area.)  Holy s***, this dumb broad thinks Matt Hasselbeck is hot. Like, 5 out of 5 hot. He gets the same marry-able score (32.5) as Josh Freeman and…wait for it…CAM F****** NEWTON.  She also finds REX GROSSMAN more marryable than Tom Brady.  Dumb b****** like this are why you make 75 cents on the dollar, women of America. This s*** right here.  Oh wait, she’s an evangelical Christian. Color me surprised.

Kate's husband is a youth pastor, so she couldn't leave the comment up on her blog.  (She added the asterisks for the ridiculously bad language for our benefit.)  However, here is what she wanted to say.

Our slammed blogger says:
FIRST of all.  I don't see how my not preferring to live in Minneapolis over San Diego (real mystery of life right there) makes me a snobby b****.  Secondly, NOWHERE in my entire post (on my entire blog for that matter) did I call anyone as disrespectful of a name as you just called me - so yeah, I'm the one with the personality flaw.  And yes; Matt Hasslebeck is hot, I have nothing against Josh Freeman, Cam Newton has a smile that goes on for miles, and Tom Brady cheated on his wife and had an illegitimate child.  How stupid of me not to want that quality in a life partner.  It's no wonder I make 75 cents on the dollar.  OH WAIT!  I stay at home learning braille and caring for my blind child and volunteering to work with at-risk teenagers in our area.  What a snob I am.  And finally, it is ignorant, small-minded, prejudicial, and so ugly of you to imply that I am a snob, b****, or a dumb broad because I am a Christian.  As far as I can tell it makes me kinder than you.

Viv says:
Un-B-leeeeeve-able!  I almost have no words for this idiot.  (Almost.)   
Jack-hole must not be a Real Man.  Real men do not provide serious input on what is clearly a post written just for fun.  Real men do not weigh on whether or not other men have desirable attributes as husbands.  Real men don't slam someone's faith and belittle them.  But mostly?  Real men do not refer to women as dumb broads or dumb Be-yotches. 

Jack-hole?  My mental picture of you includes an over-sized team jersey (worn almost to your knees) which hides the skinny jeans you've got belted below your butt.  (Hopefully it hides the stupid tattoo you got at Coachella as well.)  You are holding a can of Coors Light, giving your buddies knuckle bumps or high-fives, you have stains from Buffalo Wings and pizza under your fingernails and you almost certainly have on a ball cap worn backwards.  

I am fairly certain you have no need for this book:

Enjoy your life as a mediocre stereotype.  
You wear it well.  Asshat.

What do you say?

Thursday, May 10, 2012

Speedos: All kinds of wrong. (And not just in America.)

Shawn over at Seriously Shawn has quite the sense of humor.  She is a practical joker and seems to be a magnet for funny/slightly uncomfortable situations.  She also seems to have drawn the ire of someone who prefers Speedos to regular swim trunks....
She helps to host Talk To Us Tuesday, a linky party for funny or random stories.

Seriously Shawn
In this post where she describes a practical joke involving her husband and a Speedo that was too small she got this comment:

credit: Seriously Shawn
Mean Comment:
More evidence why Americans are viewed by the rest of the world as being ignorant and stupid.

What Shawn Says:
Ignorant and stupid you say! Let me ask you, do you mean Americans as a whole or just little ol' me, the author of this post? Your choice of words are a little harsh don't you think? 
I would love to thank you personally for your less than kind words but it seems that you like to hide behind the screen of anonymity. You also have no email linked to your profile, I'm thinking it's because you like to stir the pot but aren't man enough to handle what comes your way in return. As a result you have left me no choice but to reply here, oh and next Tuesday on the front page of my blog because this is a perfect TTUT post!  
If you wanted to play nice I would simply say I'm sorry I offended you but it seems that you don't want to do that. So I'll leave it at this, you my dear, have no sense of humor! Maybe it's because you have the personality of a dry piece of toast or that you lack the ability to fill out your own beloved Speedo, making this no laughing matter in your eyes, either way I really don't care.  Clearly, or maybe not so clearly for some, this was meant as a joke. My advice to you is to lighten up or buy your next Speedo in the next size up!

Viv Says:
See, now I just thought a Speedo was a poor fashion choice.  I had no idea that swim suit preferences were evidence that could further the condemnation of America.   
When American men try to compensate for a substandard wee-wee they usually do it in some symbolic way, like buying a flashy car... Perhaps Shawn's commenter is more of a literal guy, and believes you should put on a tight pair of swim bottoms to try to make the object in question appear larger. Or, perhaps his Speedo is too tight and it has cut off the blood flow to his brain...

What do you say?